Survey Worth Sharing

A friend of mine, one of my kids actually, but a friend all the same, posted her answers to this survey on MySpace and it seemed interesting enough to carry on, so here you go.  I'm only leaving the interesting quesitons:

1.  Are you ready for some questions that you barely find in other surveys?
Interesting, absolutely.  .  .
2.  Has the last person you texted ever been mad at you before?
Absolutely!  He hides it really well, though.
3.  When will be the next time you text someone?
I can't make any promises, but probably sometime today.  I'd rather text than talk on the phone - he knows that.

6.  What will you be doing tomorrow?
Finishing packing and leaving for the first leg of our trip to Emerald Isle - stopping at a motel about halfway
7.  Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
Hmmm .  .  . I could definitely pick more than one, but I'd have to say this pinched nerve in my shoulder.  
8.  The last person you kissed on the lips said that you were the only one they wanted, would you believe them?
No.
9.  Are you happy right now?
Mom asks me this question every time I talk to her - which is probably one of the reasons I don't call her as much as I should.  I always want to be able to answer, "yes."  I can do that today.
10.  Were you happy when you woke up this morning?
Yeah, I was.
11.  What are you currently hearing?
Birds and Traffic
12.  Is there anyone you want to come see you?
Not today.
13.  Would you rather take a relationship really slow or really fast?
I'm really trying my hardest not to ask myself questions like this.  If I'm being honest, though, the answer is fast, whirlwind - sweep me up so that I can't ever look back.

17.  This time last year, were you single?
No, not for eleven years.  God, that's a long time.
18.  How are you feeling right now?
Well, the last question was kind of depressing, right?
19.  Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
It's possible.  Does Doyle count?
20.  What's your relationship status?
OMW (Old Married Woman)
21.  Where did you get what you wore to bed last night?
Vickie's Secrets - I was too tired to worry about PJs

25.  Were you smiling in the last picture taken of you?
Yeah, it was group pic so I had to.  I hate having my picture taken.  It always looks like someone else.
26.  Are you multitasking right now?
Usually am, but surprisingly no.  
27.  Can you recall the last time you liked someone a lot?
Yeah.

29.  Are you comfortable with your height?
It depends on who I'm with.  It would be nice not to feel like the big awkward oaf for once, but I guess that's never going to happen.
30.  Is your room ever clean?
Could we have a judge's ruling on the definition of "clean," please?  It's always straightened and clutter free - dusted?  No, hardly ever.

34.  Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?
No, I don't believe I do.
35.  Is there someone you will never forget?
Absolutely, many someones
36.  Is there someone you wish you were still close with?
If wishes were horses.  .  .

40.  What's on your mind?
so much more now that I've been doing this survey

45.  Do you own anything tie dyed?
Yes.
46.  What were you doing right before you started this survey?
Reading, catching a theme yet?

53.  Have you ever had your eyes dilated?
Everyone who's ever had a light shined in their eyes has, Silly.  That's an autonomic reaction!
54.  Does it bother you when you text somebody and they take forever to text back?
Definitely!
55.  What do you think of girls sixteen and younger going on birth control?
I was one.  Birth control isn't only for people having sex, you know.

57.  Is there someone who continuously lets you down?
Yeah, there is.
58.  Where is your best friend right now?
I don't know; work, maybe.  She does that way too much.

62.  Has anyone told you they loved you in the last week?
Yeah, I'm lucky like that.

I hope you enjoyed this unusual survey as much as I did.  Although, maybe "enjoy" is the wrong word.  .  .

What we learn from the past?

Mom floored me on her last visit. "I know you're unhappy," she said, "because you always turn to your books when you're unhappy and tune everyone else out." Happiness is key with my mother, constantly asking me if I'm 'happy,' and never really seeming satisfied with the answer. Of course, I'd always told her "yes" and changing to more truthful tactics this time didn't appease her any more. . .not that I'd expected it to, but I keep harboring this hope that I'll find someone to talk to who will understand. Mom just went to pieces, like she always does; it wasn't helpful.

I know that Mom constantly misses Grandma. Is it wrong to say that this was the first time that I truly felt that way too? Grandma was different. She could listen and, for some reason, I achingly think that she'd have the right thing to say.

Before Grandpa died, I'd seen Grandma as the perfect farm wife, calm, quiet, industrious, loving. . .almost a sidenote. When Grandpa left us too early, I commented to a friend on how impressed I was that she pulled through as well as she had, became her own person, so self assured. My friend turned to me in all sincerity and said, "Maybe she's happy to be out of your Grandfather's shadow." It was the closest I ever came to physical violence against someone. I knew Grandma and Grandpa had that kind of enduring love and for someone to suggest otherwise seemed like sacriledge. Of course, I was young and hopelessly romantic.

Of course, I still feel young and I know it's the hopeless romantic in me that finds me seeking release in books. But, I find myself considering my former friend's words in another light because I feel myself being pulled into a similar trap. I can see myself in her so much more than I ever can in my mother.

He wants a wife, the whole loving stereotype: cooking dinner, keeping the house clean, being at home waiting for him, demure, sensible. When he married me, I thought it was because he liked what he saw in me better than what he'd wanted. Mom always told me that you can't marry someone planning on changing them. Turns out, his mother never told him that; mine never told me that people were going to change in other ways.

So here I find myself, locked in, wanting to be so much more and just not seeing an out. I do love him. He hasn't done anything wrong; he probably won't ever do anything wrong, and its eating away at me. And now, I've brought him all the way out here, away from the comfort of his family and it still hasn't made us happy. I think of all the things I wanted to do - the differences I wanted to make and I shudder. He talks about kids and it makes me shudder. And yet, what will happen to him if I leave to seek my own selfish happiness? What does that make me? What if it doesn't make a difference?

That's when I think about Grandma. I remember the 'After Grandpa,' vague images of the woman he must have married who was so much like me it hurts. No more three squares, no more frantic cleaning, no more happy housewife - just a woman with purpose who helped people and acted on the things that move her. And with an aching that most days won't go away, I wish I could talk to her, ask her if it was enough that Grandpa loved her to distraction, if it was enough for her to change so much for so many years. Desparately, I want to ask her if she ever had regrets. . .

Teenage Drama and Another Busy Month

Has it really been almost a month since I wrote anything? Well, OK, let's be honest. . .not since I wrote anything, there's always the novel (that's right, I'm the queen of the tools, I've got a novel in the works), but it has been a very long time since I shared something new with the world wide web. Of course, no one reads this except me. I know, because I haven't told anyone about it. Somehow, it's easier to be honest that way, like a diary.

It has been a busy month, though. Somehow, the PTB decided that it would be best for us to work from MLK day until Easter without a single day off. So, February has been an entire month of five day weeks. In my profession, that's not a good thing; tempers flare, wits end, and composure frays with no day of rest to recover.

To top it off, in my infinate wisdom (insert sarcastic comment here), I scheduled a show for last night preceeded by a week of dance practice. Needless to say, I will rethink my plans next year, if there is a next year for me. It turns out that, being the age and gender I am, I am not immune to teenage drama reguarless of what high school reunion number is coming up. How is it possible that a show comprised entirely of teenage boys can be so rift with catty drama, you ask? Honestly, I have no idea, but I have to think that there might be two people better suited to lead this band of rabble than two women who seem to be young enough for the girls to draw them into this petty crap. My cohort in this adventure, is even closer to her high school days than I. And still, considering what we had to work with, I believe that our age was benefit in putting together a fairly brilliant show; boys in daisy dukes, spandy pants in vibrant colors, and onstage mosh pit. You should have been there.